I wanted to wish everybody a happy new year!

I hope you accomplish your goals and won't have too much stress this year. <3

The year is coming to an end and finally - after almost 3 months in total - I finished the Kinktober challenge. I am a bit irritated that I needed so long for this, but at the same time I am proud of myself for pushing through it completely.

Having finished this challenge presents me a problem: I have no idea where I should go from here artistically. I'm rather hazy about what I should tackle next. I don't consider myself to be bubbling with creativity or ideas, but I do have some things in mind I could start with. However, depending on my decision, this could take a much longer time than I want.

Option 1: Personal work

I could work more on my own (fan-)characters, flesh them out and develop somewhat of a small 'world' around them. How I would do this is still beyond me, I would probably have to make a story or comic out of this if I wanted to keep anyone interested in this. Apart from that I would also need to scrap the OCs which I haven't been working on to thin out the mass of them. Over the past couple of years, I came up with ~ 200 potential OCs and I have worked only on the vast minority of them. There are some characters I would definitely keep, but the overall process would be very time consuming.

Option 2: More NSFW

As everybody knows, 'sex sells'. This is probably the easiest way to keep followers/watchers and/or gain new ones, but also the most platonic way of dealing with art. It would probably nail my image down to nsfw content and people would be even less interested in my other projects. I admit that I prefer to draw nsfw content - at least at the moment. But it's definitely not something I would be able to do forever. I could also imagine it being quite repetetive when people realize that I am not necessarily into the most 'hype' characters to draw porn of.

Option 3: Taking requests/suggestions openly again

Although this could interfere with my Patreon-rewards, it is an alternative to what I've been doing in 2019. I stopped taking those at some point because some actual creeps kept contacting me about it, did not read my rules at all or refused to accept a polite 'No'. So I ended up neglecting more and more of those because people were too lazy and - sorry - stupid.

Option 4: Focus on fanart, maybe comics

Since I want to be able to create short stories and comics in the future, this would be an interesting option as well. Drawing fanart would definitely attract more attention than a story of my own OCs and it would grant me the freedom to have the characters behave in a way relevant to the story/comic. However, this would take a long time because, I admit, I usually am not into most new 'mainstream' or 'hyped' things or topics. This means I would have a really hard time figuring out what I would want to draw fanart of. Also, considering the aspect of drawing, new characters are getting more and more detailed and 'extraordinary' these days, which presents a big load of work when you want to get everything right; plus such fanart can easily backfire when you hit a sore spot in the fandom's perception of the franchise (e.g. nsfw content for Undertale).

Option 5: Focus on progressive improvement

This would be by far the least entertaining thing to do; for me and for followers/watchers. It means that I would have to study things that improve my drawing skills and do a lot of practicing regardless of it being interesting or not, as long as it helps me improve (like drawing a hand 200 times until I 'get it', develop muscle memory etc.). I believe this is something you'd usually do before you start presenting your work to the world and it's definitely something I have to do at some point or in several, short instances. That said, this is probably the option that would take the longest time, not only because it requires hard, steady work but also because it is emotionally frustrating, exhausting and - yes - 'boring'.

Option 6: Something else

Maybe there is something I haven't thought of yet, an idea that would be more enticing for me to work towards. This option would most likely lead me to drawing a lot of random stuff which require inspiration, strong impulses or spontaneous ideas.

I would be thankful for any advice or ideas you guys could give me, because I am at a point where I really don't know where to go from here. Also, including my 'audience' in my work and interacting with those who like what I do is something I would love to do more; it has been a lot of fun for me in the past. ♪

Sorry for the wall of text and thank you a lot, especially if you read through all of this. For the time being, I wish you all a great time for the remainig days of this year and a bright start into 2020! ♥ ♥

That's all for now.

I'm thinking about rearranging another Touhou song in my 'style', but I'm not sure which one to pick. I'm kinda torn between Cirno's, Yuyuko's, Komachi's and Kaguya's theme and I don't know which one to go for.

If anyone has a recommendation (also besides the above ones), I'd be very glad. ^_^'

Just wanted to throw in my worried thoughts here as well which I already shared on Twitter:

I'm afraid to disappoint people who watch, follow or subscribe to me impulsively as a reaction to one, specific composition or artwork I make. It's highly probable that my following submissions won't appeal to you if you are not certain that you want to see what I create - especially without checking my other stuff before 'following' me, first, to make sure you actually like it.

So, yeah, just wanted to share this thought with you.

* Pheanir out *

I have been drawing/sketching something for every day of this drawing challenge this year (so far) and it's actually the first time I do this. The only issue I have with posting those pics here is that I liked the idea of the naughtier version, the Kinktober much more... so all pics/sketches are nsfw.

I've been thinking about this and I still don't know... should I post those pictures here anyways?

I mean, it's not like nsfw content is absent on Newgrounds, but I don't want to 'disgust' those few people who follow me here with things they don't want to see, too. ^_^'

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for my lack of musical output lately. I have not been very inspired and the worst part of it is that I didn't "enjoy" composing the last couple of pieces I actually finished. It feels like I have to push through in order to get something done everytime recently (if at all). I also have quite some tracks I composed the start of, about 10-20 seconds, only to find that I don't like how they sound and put them "on hold"...

So, yeah, I apologize. I cannot promise that this will get better in the near future, but I will try to keep it up. And I also think that posting W.I.P.s randomly wouldn't be of anybody's benefit, so I'll most likely won't do that here. :/

Since I became part as a Fill-in for the NGADM 2019 event here on Newgrounds, I have constantly been reconsidering my music, my style of music and especially the production (and production value) of my compositions. This is - unfortunately - going to be an informational "wall of text" to somewhat explain how my composition process works and has been working for the last years.

But first of all, a big "Thank you! ♥" to all of you for listening to my tracks. It's nice to see that people seem actually curious about my compositions. And to top that off, I have been getting some really great feedback from a couple of you which I am looking forward to making use of in the future. But there begins the issue... :/

I have started composing (half-heartedly) in 2011. I have no education in composing, audio engineering or anything that's related to this. So I started completely from scratch, trying to figure out "which button does what" and doing some minor research. I never had and don't have money to get somebody to teach me or study something like this. So, the biggest problem I am facing - who would have thought it - is my financial situation. The only thing I was able to afford, since I started composing, was the SD-90 studio canvas, which uses a couple of synths that are only (!) available on this specific synthesizer. Which sucks. Additionally, I use FL Studio 9, a veeery old version of this program. I am aware that there are far newer versions of this program available; I just cannot afford them.

Another issue I face is the functionality of my personal composition setup. It is a very "spartanic" setup because, besides the outdated software, I don't own the necessary hardware to properly mix everything and record my tracks. Again, I have no idea how this works and I don't know how to set things up without the help of a professional.

What I did find out, though, is that my setup - which by the way is the only way I can compose at the moment, unfortunately - prevents me from using the effects and mixing possibilities (even) FL Studio 9 offers. I have a good friend who also uses FL Studio and they tried to help me get things set up in terms of software via screensharing and talking on Discord; only to find out that even simple things like sidechaining/ducking are impossible for me to get done. What I also found out is that I can use more of FL Studio's effects if I only use preset instruments provided by the program itself. Needless to say that this isn't an option I want to make use of since the SD-90 - including all its instruments, effects and mixing options - would go to waste.

To sum up how I compose nowadays:

I use FL Studio 9 and boot my SD-90. Then I set up the channels and instruments I want to use for a song. Some of those channels control MIDI channels, which are sent to the SD-90. These get kinda "transferred" back after they've been applied the instrument I want from the SD-90, back to FL Studio. Now, besides the MIDI channels, I also use preset channels from FL Studio, as well as some external (free to use!) VSTs, to get all the instruments and sounds I want. Now, after all these things, the final "wave" of sounds gets transferred back through the SD-90 as my music output, so I can actually listen to all instruments playing besides each one at the same time. And to record this, I start an external program - Audacity - to record everything I can hear through my headphones, plugged into the SD-90 sound output.

Yeah. I know. This setup is terrible. Unfortunately, as I alread explained, it is the only way I can record my music semi-properly. I don't know how to set everything up and what I would actually need to make it better. The only thing I know is that I would definitely need money for that. And I don't have any for that.

I do own a "fruity" edition of FL Studio 12 which I mainly use to make my "piano" arranges; got it as a gift to be exact. The problem about this version is that it prevents me of loading my usual instruments or VSTs into it. When I reload a project, everything that is not a preset of this FLS edition or a MIDI channel of the SD-90 gets deleted by the program. And even if I tried to compose a piece in one setting, I am not able/allowed to use all instruments I would like with FLS 12. So, yeah... kinda useless for me at the moment. :/

Basically, since I have gotten more in-depth feedback here, I have begun to reconsider my music and composing music in general. What I do notice is that I start disliking my former compositions more and more. And when I sit down and try to get some composing done, it always feels wrong, unprofessional, bad and - the worst thing for me - I don't really have fun composing because of that anymore.

I am not blaming anyone. This is entirely on me. I only write this blog to show/explain to you - who seem to like my music (thanks again!) - what my current situation is considering music.

I will try to continue composing for now, but these issues have been with me for years now and I am slowly getting (emotionally) tired of this. I barely have a "fanbase" to keep going for, but at least all of them (you) are totally worth it. And I know that, as long as there is at least one person besides me out there who enjoys my music, I will try to keep it up.

Anyways, I'm sorry for this big wall of text. I know it is a lot and probably most of you are not really interested in reading all of this. If you did, though, you have my sincere gratitude for doing so. I don't know what I would do without the kind words I have received from some of you; probably have stopped a looong time ago. Thank you really much for reading, for watching and/or listening to my content. ♥ ♪

I actually made it into the group stage. I cannot believe it! ♥

Now I just have to hope that I have a smidgeon of a chance to progress even further. There are so many talented people, it will be hard. But nevertheless, this makes me so happy! ♪

I've been selected as a Fill-In for the NGADM 2019 event's group stage on Newgrounds! Now I have to compose something really wicked in case I get to "fill in". I'm sooo excited, this just made my day! ♥

The title says it already; I wonder if I should upload the other tracks as well. They're available on other sites already, but at the sime time I feel like it would be better if the entire soundtrack was available here on NG as well.

I have posted 6 of the project's tracks here so far, in the end it should be like 18 - 20 pieces (not all of them are finished, though).

I'm not sure if it is necessary, but I also feel like not sharing the whole soundtrack would be a bit strange.

Does anybody has any advice? I'd appreciate it a ton! =)